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I'm just doing this for fun, I have already stocked up with my Christmas food. But I'll be going out a bit later to my nearby huge Tesco to run the gauntlet of single mothers, polish migrants, and senile old people going 'wild in the aisles'. I get perverse pleasure from attending an Xmas capitalist gangbang, full of whores intoxicated with consumer gluttony. With a bit of luck there'll be some yummy mummy's to follow up the escalator too. Although, given the Tesco in question is in Great Yarmouth, the odds on seeing any attractive females is next to fucking zero. Still, I've got a pair of £1.50 Tesco vouchers burning a hole in my pocket so I will have to make the pilgrimage to my own Mecca. Any idea's what I can spend 3 quid on in Tesco? I'll be leaving in about an hour or so.

Spesh

carcinogen wrote:I'm just doing this for fun, I have already stocked up with my Christmas food. But I'll be going out a bit later to my nearby huge Tesco to run the gauntlet of single mothers, polish migrants, and senile old people going 'wild in the aisles'. I get perverse pleasure from attending an Xmas capitalist gangbang, full of whores intoxicated with consumer gluttony. With a bit of luck there'll be some yummy mummy's to follow up the escalator too. Although, given the Tesco in question is in Great Yarmouth, the odds on seeing any attractive females is next to fucking zero. Still, I've got a pair of £1.50 Tesco vouchers burning a hole in my pocket so I will have to make the pilgrimage to my own Mecca. Any idea's what I can spend 3 quid on in Tesco? I'll be leaving in about an hour or so.

liking this

try the accapulco in halifax

long demolished riverside club in wigan was a punters dream, now a tesco i think

paolo wrote:

carcinogen wrote:I'm just doing this for fun, I have already stocked up with my Christmas food. But I'll be going out a bit later to my nearby huge Tesco to run the gauntlet of single mothers, polish migrants, and senile old people going 'wild in the aisles'. I get perverse pleasure from attending an Xmas capitalist gangbang, full of whores intoxicated with consumer gluttony. With a bit of luck there'll be some yummy mummy's to follow up the escalator too. Although, given the Tesco in question is in Great Yarmouth, the odds on seeing any attractive females is next to fucking zero. Still, I've got a pair of £1.50 Tesco vouchers burning a hole in my pocket so I will have to make the pilgrimage to my own Mecca. Any idea's what I can spend 3 quid on in Tesco? I'll be leaving in about an hour or so.

liking this

try the accapulco in halifax

long demolished riverside club in wigan was a punters dream, now a tesco i think

and remeber, a slag is for xmas, not for life, so rubber up, pull out of facialize

Here is the shit factory in question. A fucking cesspool of the great unwashed believing that buying loads of shit somehow gives their miserable lives meaning.

EXTERNAL:


INTERNAL:


Does it really fall to me to inform them it's all one big fucking lie? Of course it does. Is it really down to me to drink a four pack of polish special brew before I go in and cause a 'scene' at the nearly out-of-date discounted food section? Of course it fucking well is. Do I really have to go berserk with a french stick and start battering someone with it until they understand? Yes. It is. I wish I had the money to buy 500 scratch cards and throw them from the mezzanine onto the main floor below and watch the fuckers scramble for them. God that turns me on.

Well, that was fucking pointless. Had a pair of £1.50 vouchers. Picked out two items that I believed totalled £3.00 (a four pot 'dipping' selection and some 'hot' salsa). Got to the checkout only to be informed it totalled £2.25 and that they don't give change. I said: "Oh it's ok, I don't want the change" then all fucking hell broke loose. Somehow I had inadvertently broken the system.

If there's any interest, I'll tell the whole story. But it looks like this thread has died a death. As for Tesco, Great Yarmouth, let's just say I am persona non grata.

Tell all My Carc. I'm ready for the err longform

I knew it was going to be fucking trouble when I chose the less than 10 items lane and in front of me was someone in a wheelchair accompanied by a pair of unruly kids and a woman who apparently enjoys putting her make-up on in the dark using a hubcap as a mirror. They also had bought clothes. Now, if I were to purchase clothes in a supermarket, assuming I survived my own suicide attempt, I'd pay for them at the checkout in the CLOTHES section, not the food section fast lane. Already my blood was fucking boiling...

MORE! BRAVO! MAESTRO!

...Now I won't blame the young bearded man with a speech impediment working the till because it's a shit job and he was nothing but friendly and professional. But he took more time folding shitty tracksuit bottoms than I would take faithfully recreating a scale model of St. Paul's cathedral using toothpicks. Fuck me mate, get a move on, I've got a fucking drinking schedule to keep here you cunt!!

Ok cut to the chase, did you kick the fuck off and get battered to shit by a 5 foot security operative

...A teen in skin tight jeans caught my eye, her pert young arse wrapped in fake denim clingfilm eager to be unwrapped and then bent over in the self-service section, with a digital 'BEEP' issued after each frustrated thrust.

I'll cut to the chase. The bearded wonder had to call over his manager. A real brute, she had forearms with more tattoos than a darts player. The queue was already building-up behind me.

"Look man, if one of these items is a pound, can't you just scan it three-times?"

"Can't do that I'm afraid".

"But I'm GIVING you money!" I said.

He tried, bless him, but eventually had to turn to his manager and ask her for advice. She refused to budge.

"But I don't want the change. You can have it. I'm giving Mr. Tesco 75 pence for nothing!?!"

"Nope, sorry, you'll have to buy something else".

"But I can't go back out there".

"Sorry."

At this point I just gave up, I was in 'fight or flight' mode. And to my credit I just left, leaving my vouchers and humus dips there. "There is something seriously wrong with your fucking business model if you cannot sort this out!".

I skulked off to Lidl then, picked up a spotty chav and fucked her in a back-alley. Good times. Little whore.

And so POTY was duly sealed

You should have sharted your grunties Brazil style in protest and then grabbed the till mic and hollered "Clean up in Aisle buttcrack" & then sat down on the floor , squelching the mess and rocking back and forth while sucking your thumb..... Or is that just me?

There are elements of the fantastical in this account.

The End wrote:There are elements of the fantastical in this account.

It IS fantastic, I agree

The Ghost of Alex Higgins wrote:

The End wrote:There are elements of the fantastical in this account.

It IS fantastic, I agree

How how utterly marvellous.

Yeah, the chav fucking was made up. I admit that.

Don't mind that Yarmouth Tesco, got some good memories. Why didn't you go to one in Norwich, Blue Boar Lane for example. Like the little Tesco near me, friendly people.

We Tesco people are all friendly.

Indeed, Shedboy.

You should shop at Sainsbury's. I find it very relaxing.

Do the major shopping at the big Tesco. Get everything we need and home shopppng is convenient. Substitutes is a pain in the neck with some complete mismatches. Shopping there is a functional, joyless affair. Just like walking through a carwash wearing binliners and a plastic hat. It does nothing for my creative spirit.

Asda however gives me a warm glow and staff and fellow customers have a feel good approach. It's in interesting, funky, eclectic experience and the packaged meals are decent and varied. Good selection of juices. Bananas are random and have a poor selection. Good refrigerated puds. Used to have a good bakery section. Good frozen puddings

Morrisons is a good, slightly smaller alternative where if you need more extensive stuff then you can get from the local Cooperative and not have to spend an hour in the vast Tesco. So, something you can get a dozen items and be out in 10 mins. Again, OK bakery section but 12 scones and no less? Again, good packaged food with three for six pounds which is good value. Friendly staff, airy, colourful interior. Have to put a pound in the trolley which is a ballache. Good restaurant. Decent bargains and inexpensive.

Sainsbury's is a good drive to get to and about two or three visits a year but a classy store nonetheless and high quality products.

Waitrose for a bit of indulgence like cupcakes and bakeries and quality packaged meals. M&S is hideously overpriced for lunch items. Packaged meals have great variety and interesting stuff like the far eastern stir fry meals. Enjoyed the Raste of Summerz

Tesco have now introduced two hours free parking for customers only because every cunt parked there. Now you have spend at least five pounds in store and get a token which you need to get validated in a machine. Went last week and forgot to do this so will get hit by a payment notice and will need to appeal. Used to go there because it was very convenient but as per a sexless, joyless experience and because of the car parking charges makes it less attractive for me to want to go there. So familiar with where everything is and going to another Tesco store is difficult and more time consuming because of the store layout.