One Shade of Magnolia: A novel.

[carcinogen]

This is my new novel, I'm going to pitch it here because I know you are the cruelist sons-of-bitches going. It's called 'One Shade of Magnolia". I'm putting it here before I pitch it to the publishers. I'd appreciate some feedback. And, bare in mind, getting a book published has nothing to do with good writing or grammar and everything to do with sellability (is that even a word?).

Title:

One Shade of Magnolia.

Sypnosis:

Mediocre man falls for over-educated attractive woman and his dull lifestyle stirs something deep inside of her.

Extract(s):

"He made love to me in the missonary position again. Socks on."

"He took my hand and declared his love for me. I foresaw the outcome in a dream: Oven chips and beans for tea; my knickers flooded and I decided there and then to drown myself within the airless lack-of-oxygen lust his masculine working-class scent demanded."

"As he phoned his mother with his pole-like proboscis protruding within my eager spread-eagled petal he whispered into my ear: I think we should dial-down the toaster setting from 5 to 4. I came instantly; his knowledge of curating toast was as prodigious as his pole was long".

[The Ghost of Alex Higgins]

Zero

[Lou Grant]

Carc, the Keith Chegwin of talkFORUM.

[carcinogen]

As mentioned: the most cruel critics online. I love TalkForum x. I'll work on the re-write.

[The End]

Carc, the Keith Chegwin of talkFORUM.

Carc isn't remotely amusing if for real or as a spoof.

[Lord Notin Kwestion]

Horse shit.

[Reg]

Stop displacing and sort out you stand-up routine, you lackadaisical timewaster.

[Carlos J]

I like it, carc. Must get on with my still unfinished novella turned novel 'Phoebe Hall and the Wine Bar Slutz', a sort of thriller.

[Rantan Zero]

She held his hand as they browsed the Pot Noodle aisle.

"Oh, l feel like going wild tonight my love" he said as he picked up a Bombay Bad Boy. "We can share a sachet again"

Her heart raced at the idea of another Pot Noodle night. "Oooh, there's an episode of Jeremy Kyle's Emergency Room on the Skybox we haven't watched yet" she said "Tonight is going to be perfect"

[Lord Notin Kwestion]

She held his hand as they browsed the Pot Noodle aisle.

"Oh, l feel like going wild tonight my love" he said as he picked up a Bombay Bad Boy. "We can share a sachet again"

Her heart raced at the idea of another Pot Noodle night. "Oooh, there's an episode of Jeremy Kyle's Emergency Room on the Skybox we haven't watched yet" she said "Tonight is going to be perfect"