This is my new novel, I'm going to pitch it here because I know you are the cruelist sons-of-bitches going. It's called 'One Shade of Magnolia". I'm putting it here before I pitch it to the publishers. I'd appreciate some feedback. And, bare in mind, getting a book published has nothing to do with good writing or grammar and everything to do with sellability (is that even a word?).
Title:
One Shade of Magnolia.
Sypnosis:
Mediocre man falls for over-educated attractive woman and his dull lifestyle stirs something deep inside of her.
Extract(s):
"He made love to me in the missonary position again. Socks on."
"He took my hand and declared his love for me. I foresaw the outcome in a dream: Oven chips and beans for tea; my knickers flooded and I decided there and then to drown myself within the airless lack-of-oxygen lust his masculine working-class scent demanded."
"As he phoned his mother with his pole-like proboscis protruding within my eager spread-eagled petal he whispered into my ear: I think we should dial-down the toaster setting from 5 to 4. I came instantly; his knowledge of curating toast was as prodigious as his pole was long".
One Shade of Magnolia: A novel.
- carcinogen
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One Shade of Magnolia: A novel.
Fred Kite: I've got to be off. I can't stay here arguing. I've got a lot to do. Report to the Executive, check up on the pickets.
Mrs. Kite: From what I can see, the only time you ever jolly well *do* any work is when you're on strike.
Mrs. Kite: From what I can see, the only time you ever jolly well *do* any work is when you're on strike.
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Re: One Shade of Magnolia: A novel.
Carc, the Keith Chegwin of talkFORUM.
Come for the rampant misogyny, stay for the tedious bitching
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Re: One Shade of Magnolia: A novel.
As mentioned: the most cruel critics online. I love TalkForum x. I'll work on the re-write.
Fred Kite: I've got to be off. I can't stay here arguing. I've got a lot to do. Report to the Executive, check up on the pickets.
Mrs. Kite: From what I can see, the only time you ever jolly well *do* any work is when you're on strike.
Mrs. Kite: From what I can see, the only time you ever jolly well *do* any work is when you're on strike.
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Re: One Shade of Magnolia: A novel.
Lou Grant wrote:Carc, the Keith Chegwin of talkFORUM.
Carc isn't remotely amusing if for real or as a spoof.
This is a block of text that can be added to posts you make. There is a 250 character limit.
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Re: One Shade of Magnolia: A novel.
Horse shit.
The most abused and banned poster in Talkforum history.
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Re: One Shade of Magnolia: A novel.
Stop displacing and sort out you stand-up routine, you lackadaisical timewaster.
BE NICE TO EACH OTHER.
IF YOU CAN’T SAY SOMETHING KIND, SAY NOTHING AT ALL.
LET’S MAKE talkFORUM FUN AGAIN!
IF YOU CAN’T SAY SOMETHING KIND, SAY NOTHING AT ALL.
LET’S MAKE talkFORUM FUN AGAIN!
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Re: One Shade of Magnolia: A novel.
I like it, carc. Must get on with my still unfinished novella turned novel 'Phoebe Hall and the Wine Bar Slutz', a sort of thriller.
Maybe she's born with it, maybe it's Maybelline.
Non mihi, non tibi, sed nobis.
Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
Non mihi, non tibi, sed nobis.
Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
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Re: One Shade of Magnolia: A novel.
She held his hand as they browsed the Pot Noodle aisle.
"Oh, l feel like going wild tonight my love" he said as he picked up a Bombay Bad Boy. "We can share a sachet again"
Her heart raced at the idea of another Pot Noodle night. "Oooh, there's an episode of Jeremy Kyle's Emergency Room on the Skybox we haven't watched yet" she said "Tonight is going to be perfect"
"Oh, l feel like going wild tonight my love" he said as he picked up a Bombay Bad Boy. "We can share a sachet again"
Her heart raced at the idea of another Pot Noodle night. "Oooh, there's an episode of Jeremy Kyle's Emergency Room on the Skybox we haven't watched yet" she said "Tonight is going to be perfect"
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Re: One Shade of Magnolia: A novel.
Rantan Zero wrote:She held his hand as they browsed the Pot Noodle aisle.
"Oh, l feel like going wild tonight my love" he said as he picked up a Bombay Bad Boy. "We can share a sachet again"
Her heart raced at the idea of another Pot Noodle night. "Oooh, there's an episode of Jeremy Kyle's Emergency Room on the Skybox we haven't watched yet" she said "Tonight is going to be perfect"
The most abused and banned poster in Talkforum history.