Memory Loss/Dementia

[Sadact7]

Dementia is such a cruel disease, my Mother was on her deathbed in hospital for about 6 months. Many times we were all there to hear the last rites....time after time she survived. I'm one of 7 children and on every hospital visit she would upset, one if not all who were present.

She had no recollection of where she was, plus her memory had totally gone....each of us was insulted by our Mother as she confused who we all were, with also distant family members....it was really upsetting.

Sorry to hear that man.

I think the worst thing must be the loss of dignity. Seeing somebody who has been a strong, independent human being reduced to that state must be heartbreaking.

[m4 colin]

Who are you ?....what are you doing on my computer ?

[The Ghost of Alex Higgins]

Who are you ?....what are you doing on my computer ?

That's actually not bad

[DasBoot]

So sorry to hear that story Bas and I'm glad that the therapy helped. I too would have had the same feelings as you had.

How long ago was this, if you don't mind me asking?

[Sadact7]

So sorry to hear that story Bas and I'm glad that the therapy helped. I too would have had the same feelings as you had.

+1

I'm not even going to pretend that I can imagine what that was like, just send all my best wishes.

[Dinger]

Been through similar though to a lesser degree Bas and Chelsea.

Your posts brought a tears and a lump to my throat.

[Steve Hunt]

So sorry to hear that story Bas and I'm glad that the therapy helped. I too would have had the same feelings as you had.

+1

I'm not even going to pretend that I can imagine what that was like, just send all my best wishes.

+ 1. Best wishes to Bas & Chelsea. Hope each passing day gets a little bit easier for you both.

[colinthewarriormonkey]

I suspect that my Mum has early stages of dementia.

The problem is that my Dad is in denial & is covering up for her.

Not good

Same here - I first suspected a few motnths ago.

On Thursday my dad was taken into hospital, normally a healthy man, he hadn't been in hospital since he had his tonsils out when he was 7 so I went up there. A scan revealed suspected cancer, but he came home over the weekend. I stayed with them and then made the decision to have him readmitted as he wasn't doing well at all.

I took him up to the hospital myself on Saturday night with my mum and we got home at midnight.

My mum kept saying "Where's your dad?" I'd reply "he's in the hospital mum" - she'd break down in tears, recover a bit and 10 minutes later say "Where's your dad?" and the cycle would start again.

My aunt took me to one side a couple of days later whilst my dad was in surgery and said "I need to talk to you about your mum" - turns out Dad has been writing stuff down for her.

My dad is still in intensive care having had the whole of his large bowel removed so obviously I can't bring it up with him, but I worry about him coming out of hospital.

I live 120 miles away and whilst it will sound selfish I've done the journey backwafd and forward about 4 times since Thursday, I've had to be the strong one because everyone else is a mess, I came down for a few hours for my middle boys birthday on Sunday, back again last night because my older one wasn't coping at all and he needed his dad. I'm fucking exhausted already I went to bed at 8:30 last night and flaked out completely - not waking up until 6 am this morning.

There's no way I can keep this up when he comes out of hospital, but there's also no way my mum can look after him. It's a fucking nightmare.

[Steve Hunt]

Colin - I'm really sorry to hear this. As you say, it's a fucking nightmare.

I don't know the answer. My Mum is not quite at the stage that your Mum is at (though I guess it is only a matter of time) & my Dad is relatively well, given his age.

Hope your Dad makes a full & speedy recovery. Best wishes to you & all involved.

[Sid Pervcat]

So sorry to hear that story Bas and I'm glad that the therapy helped. I too would have had the same feelings as you had.

+1

I'm not even going to pretend that I can imagine what that was like, just send all my best wishes.

+ 1. Best wishes to Bas & Chelsea. Hope each passing day gets a little bit easier for you both.

+2, and to Colin as well.

[Sadact7]

Colin, terribly sorry to hear about your situation and I wish you and your family all the best.

May I suggest speaking with your own GP for advice on dealing with the situation? If, as you say, it's you having to be the strong one it may just do you some good speaking with an external party about your concerns and worries

[Steve Hunt]

Colin, terribly sorry to hear about your situation and I wish you and your family all the best.

May I suggest speaking with your own GP for advice on dealing with the situation? If, as you say, it's you having to be the strong one it may just do you some good speaking with an external party about your concerns and worries

+1

Sound advice from Sadact, colin.

The last thing you or your family need is for you to become ill (as well) under all the stress & pressure.

[Reg]

Like most on here, have been through this.

Horrendous.

Long and drawn out. Having lost my dad to a very aggressive cancer, at least that was months rather than years and years.

[kancutlawns]

Like most on here, have been through this.

Horrendous.

Long and drawn out. Having lost my dad to a very aggressive cancer, at least that was months rather than years and years.

Same with my mum, Reg. As hard as it was, losing a loved one through dementia sounds incredibly harsh for whole families. Nothing but respect for those on here who have had members of their own families afflicted.

[colinthewarriormonkey]

Colin, terribly sorry to hear about your situation and I wish you and your family all the best.

May I suggest speaking with your own GP for advice on dealing with the situation? If, as you say, it's you having to be the strong one it may just do you some good speaking with an external party about your concerns and worries

+1

Sound advice from Sadact, colin.

The last thing you or your family need is for you to become ill (as well) under all the stress & pressure.

Cheers guys, good advice there and thanks for your kind thoughts.

I'm going to make an appointment with mum's GP and drage her over there kicking and screaming if needs be. I'll also find out from social services whether there is anyone that can check in on them when dad gets home.

[chelseachelsea]

Dementia is such a cruel disease, my Mother was on her deathbed in hospital for about 6 months. Many times we were all there to hear the last rites....time after time she survived. I'm one of 7 children and on every hospital visit she would upset, one if not all who were present.

She had no recollection of where she was, plus her memory had totally gone....each of us was insulted by our Mother as she confused who we all were, with also distant family members....it was really upsetting.

Sorry to hear that man.

I think the worst thing must be the loss of dignity. Seeing somebody who has been a strong, independent human being reduced to that state must be heartbreaking.

I thank you all for your comments, but quoted Sadact as he has got it spot on........as I said I was the youngest of 7 and my father died 2 months before I was born, so this incredible strong Women that raised most of her Children on her own......ended up not knowing who we were, where she was, was frightened and scared, and her Dignity was lost years ago.

[Sadact7]

Colin, terribly sorry to hear about your situation and I wish you and your family all the best.

May I suggest speaking with your own GP for advice on dealing with the situation? If, as you say, it's you having to be the strong one it may just do you some good speaking with an external party about your concerns and worries

+1

Sound advice from Sadact, colin.

The last thing you or your family need is for you to become ill (as well) under all the stress & pressure.

Cheers guys, good advice there and thanks for your kind thoughts.

I'm going to make an appointment with mum's GP and drage her over there kicking and screaming if needs be. I'll also find out from social services whether there is anyone that can check in on them when dad gets home.

I'm sure you'll qualify for home support mate. The only thing I would say, gleaned from recent experience with my missus' Grandma who sadly passed a couple of months ago, is that you need to get the ball rolling asap. If their local council are half as shit as Calderdale then it could be a right pain to get them to get their arses in gear.

[caveman]

I am very worried about Mrs Caveman. Over the past couple of years her memory has been getting worse.

The past month it does seem to have got worse. She tells me something and then say 30 mins or an hour repeats the samething. Her long term memory is also not so good. We all forget things from time to time, but not like this and i know something must be up.

I have told her to see the Dr but she is not having it.

[m4 colin]

Seriously folks, we never used to have all this... older people used to get a bit vague ,dotty even but to loose it completely like this ? And it seems to be in everyone's family.at earlier and earlier ages. I'm thinking its something in the food we eat or something in the environment .
There are chemical compounds out there now that didnt even exist fifty years ago and what about the electric soup of radiation we are all wading in

[Steve Hunt]

Seriously folks, we never used to have all this... older people used to get a bit vague ,dotty even but to loose it completely like this ? And it seems to be in everyone's family.at earlier and earlier ages. I'm thinking its something in the food we eat or something in the environment .
There are chemical compounds out there now that didnt even exist fifty years ago and what about the electric soup of radiation we are all wading in

You may well have a point, colin (re: the shit in our food).

But the other reason is that we are living longer. Something has to give eventually. Sadly with dementia it is the brain.

[Sid Pervcat]

Some terrible experiences on here lads.
As Steve alluded to on another thread, makes you thankful for what you have.

[George Summer]

My Grandfather checked out Saturday morning after three years of gradual decline. He didn't know who I was last time I saw him. Skin and bones and a few wisps of hair by the end. Uncle sat with him on Friday and said there was absolutely nothing left of the man he was.

My dad died 18 months ago so won't be around to bury his own Father. Lazy fuckers left me all the heavy lifting.

Funeral will be utter pissed up carnage.

[The Ghost of Alex Higgins]

Well I'm saying let's make this a guest-friendly family-remembering vodafone-boycotting all-time-double-hard-full-on FUN FRIDAY YALL

[warmleatherette]

Seriously folks, we never used to have all this... older people used to get a bit vague ,dotty even but to loose it completely like this ? And it seems to be in everyone's family.at earlier and earlier ages. I'm thinking its something in the food we eat or something in the environment .
There are chemical compounds out there now that didnt even exist fifty years ago and what about the electric soup of radiation we are all wading in

You may well have a point, colin (re: the shit in our food).

But the other reason is that we are living longer. Something has to give eventually. Sadly with dementia it is the brain.

Unfortunately with the advances in science and medicine we are indeed "living" longer, what we are seeing is the result of that, it used to be hidden away away in family homes and it's not pretty and with myself included witnessing the experience with my mum and my ex's auntie it does make you make you wish for something quick.
On another note at the age we are all at or around if you haven't already I'd seriously consider making a will and "organising" your finances right now if you have children, you can't take it with you and can't give it away without losing a huge chunk of it to care costs, that's not what anyone's "retirement" fund is for.

Edit: I've always assumed inheritance tax was based on what an individual inherited so if for instance 3 siblings inherited a 1/3 of say 500 grand there would be none to pay as each sibling inherited under the threshold, nope, the tax is literally taken from the person who has died, and there was I thinking the whole idea couldn't get any more wrong...

[Sid Pervcat]

Well I'm saying let's make this a guest-friendly family-remembering vodafone-boycotting all-time-double-hard-full-on FUN FRIDAY YALL

Fun Friday's not happening this week bro, but top, TOP sentiments.