Alan Brazil's Xmas Menu

[carcinogen]

Starter:
Alcohol.

Main:
Alcohol.

Desert:
Alcohol.

Fat alcoholic cunt.

[Basualdo]

Alan's Christmas day games schedule:

Charades: Alan insists on regaling his luckless guests with interminable tales of his year spent leeching, begging, scrounging and generally avoiding putting his fucking hand in his pocket while all the time fooling his bosses, and indeed, the entire nation by posing amateurishly as a "radio broadcaster".


Pass the Parcel: Guests are encouraged to pass around an expensive and elaborately wrapped gift among a circle of people while music plays until it reaches Alan, then the music stops and Alan violently tears open the gift, regards it as if its pig shit, grunts and then throws it over his shoulder onto a growing pile of expensive presents and then sticks out his chubby, sellotape shard and torn Xmas paper draped hands with a grasping 'gimme, gimme, gimme' type motion like a greedy three year old.

Monopoly: Alan keeps everything.

Sardines: Alan whips out his sharted, jizz crisped grunties to an appalled assemblage of guests and forces them to inhale of his vaguely marine pollution, Fukushima tinged, Birdseye factory on a hot Friday hinting groinal musk.


Spin the bottle: Alan drinks everything vaguely alcoholic, including Christmas gifted aftershave, drain cleaner and creosote from Nicolai the buff Romanian gardener's shed and hurls the empty bottles haphazardly but with malice at the panicked and fleeing guests.
Jill then helps Nicolai restock his gardening supplies in the shed on Boxing day. An apparently onerous task which seems to take all day and leaves Jill looking red faced, breathless and smiling slyly while Alans lies sleeping, snoring and sharting off the previous day's celebrations on the kitchen floor.

[deisegirl]

Good old Alan

[The Ghost of Alex Higgins]

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