Talksport Related Christmas Carols

[davethealligator]

Ok, these are the ones I can remember straight off the top of my head, I may be able to recreate some of the others, lets see...



Good King Collymore

Good King Collymore lashed out
On the feast of Stephen
Took his filthy temper out
On some piece from Sweden

Brightly shone her bruise that night
Stan just phoned the florist
Then he buggered off to play
For Nottingham For-e-est

On his way he saw a car
in a lay-by rocking
Doors locked tight and windows steamed
What he did was shocking

While the couple lay inside
Gently copulating
Stan stood watching, knob in hand
Briskly masturba-a-ting

[davethealligator]

(To the tune of 'Away in a Manger')

A neigh is in danger
No food and no bed
Poor Mickeys best racehorse
Will shortly be dead

The stars in Newmarket
Look down where he lay
All riddled with maggots
No winners today...

[davethealligator]

Hark! The Herald Angels Sing

Hark! The Herald Angels Sing
Andy J is Twittering
Vile abuse and cuntish views
Every time that Chelsea Lose

Bitter rants and twisted theories
"Blame it on that twat Ramires
Never 18 millions worth
The worst player on this earth!"

Hark! The Herald Angels Sing
Mondays make great listening!

[davethealligator]

Winter Wonderland (A tribute to Talksport's coverage of England's failed World Cup bid)

Sleigh bells ring, are you listening?
Russian bling, brightly glistening
There's Roubles galore, for scruples ignored
Warner's in a winter wonderland

Should he keep, Beckham happy?
Honour his, dead Grandpappy?
Or piss on his grave, and snub Wills and Dave
Warner's in a winter wonderland

In the meadow, wait just by the snowman
There's a messenger en route from town
He'll bring a brown envelope from Roman
So England can go out in the first round

Go back to, the committee
Make them do, something shitty
So our hopes erode, and Saggers explodes
Warner's in a winter wonderland

How this twat from Trinidad and Tobago
Is FIFA Vice-Chair, I ain't got a clue
He pissed off the English, Dutch and Dagos
So now it's on to 2022...

Where the A-rabs bung Blatter
And the cup, goes to Qatar
And Porky's found dead, below Beachy Head
And Warner's in a winter wonderland

Warner's in a winter wonderland
Could it be there's something underhand?

[Minisooms]

Very good and you're in the Cotswolds like me

[davethealligator]

The Little Drummer Boy

"Cunt", they told me, par-um-pum-pum-pum
On Talksport's breakfast show, par-um-pum-pum-pum
He claims to love the Mancs, par-um-pum-pum-pum
He's thick as two short planks, par-um-pum-pum-pum
Rum-pum-pum-pum, rum-pum-pum-pum

Don't, tune in to him, par-um-pum-pum-pum
He's too dumb!

Then, one morning, par-um-pum-pum-pum
I grew quite curious, par-um-pum-pum-pum
Turned on my radio, par-um-pum-pum-pum
Because I had to know, par-um-pum-pum-pum
Rum-pum-pum-pum, rum-pum-pum-pum

Was, he such a cunt? par-um-pum-pum-pum
And then some!

[davethealligator]

Silent Night

Silent Night, holy night
Poor old Dants, sleeping tight
Snoozing, snoring in slumbering bliss,
Unaware, Brazil's on the piss
Will 'Dants' get his night's re-est?
Bet you've already guessed!

Silent night, violent fright!
Mobile rings, flashing bright
"Ian, can you be on air by six?
Al's been found face down in a ditch
He's sleeping at Thames Valley Poli-ice
Sleeping at Thames Valley Police"

Sighs, "All right", finds the light
Hurried shower, hasty shite
Grabs some coffee and food to go
Stumbles down to the home studio
Goes on mic with a gru-unt
"Morning, Ronnie you cunt!"

[sjbarca]

Hark them herald angels sing

In regards of me, Micky Quinn

Peace on earth and Marseyside

I seen them sinners reconciled

Joyful all them nations rise

Who ate all them lovely pies

Cabbage Potatoes all proclaim

They seen Christ's debyoot in Bethlehem

[davethealligator]

To the tune of, 'Oh Come all Ye Faithful'

(In response to Jason Cundy dumping his wife Lizzy for an opera singer...)


Oh Cundy's unfaithful,
With some opera diva
Told Liz he'd leave her
Right out the blue...

That's why he stuck up
For JT when he fucked up

Oh come let us abhor him
Oh come let us abhor him
Oh come let us abhor him
Christ, what a tool!

See Lizzy Cundy
In the tabloids, Sunday
"Stepping out bravely for
her new single life"

Dress - Nina Ricci
Face by Balfour Beatty

Oh come let us abhor him
Oh come let us abhor him
Oh come let us abhor him
Christ, what a tool!

'Jase', at the High Court
"Judge says it's all my fault!"
A banning order
and a Decree Absolute

Now, he's got sod all
So much for role models...

Oh come let us abhor him
Oh come let us abhor him
Oh come let us abhor him
Christ, what a tool!

[kevin04]

Supoib work, Dave.



Did you not pen one about Mike Graham too?

[davethealligator]

(To the tune of 'Rudolph the Red nosed Reindeer)

Ronnie the red-nose reindeer
Had a very shiny nose
Tales of trips to Old Trafford
Stretched it like Pinocchio's

All of the other reindeer
Used to laugh and call him names
They knew that Ronnie never
Went to any Man. U games

Then one foggy Christmas Eve
Santa came to say,
"Next week, Man. U - Everton,
Can you get me tickets Ron?"

Then how he flapped and flustered
Forcing Santa to be blunt:
"Ronnie the red-nose reindeer,
you're a lying little cunt!"

[davethealligator]

Supoib work, Dave.



Did you not pen one about Mike Graham too?

Thanks! There was one that mentioned him, along with a couple of the other presenters, but I'm struggling to remember it...



It may come back to me...

[kevin04]

Supoib work, Dave.



Did you not pen one about Mike Graham too?

Thanks! There was one that mentioned him, along with a couple of the other presenters, but I'm struggling to remember it...



It may come back to me...

It might have been someone else. I think it was 'White Christmas'.

All the best, and if you have some free time - you can always write a few more for us.

[Bad Blue 2000]

Goughie the Snowman

[Holden Mcgroyne]

[davethealligator]

To the tune of, 'Santa Claus is coming to Town'

(Marking Alan and Ronnie's trip to Perth, Western Australia for the third test in the 2010/11 Ashes)

Australian bars, are gonna run dry
House prices will drop, I'm telling you why...

Al and Ron are coming to town!
Al and Ron are coming to town!
Al and Ron are coming - to town!

They've got their Speedos, they've go their sunblock
Prepare yourself for, the cunt and the jock...

Al and Ron are coming to town!
Al and Ron are coming to town!
Al and Ron are coming - to town!

The cricket starts, Al's sleeping
It ends and he's awake
But it's not the hours he's keeping,
"It's a cold for goodness sake!"

He's just gonnae have, a couple wee drams
His blood alcohol? 80 milligrams

Al and Ron are coming to town!
Al and Ron are coming to town!
Al and Ron are coming - to town!

"Say, Ronnie, is it Chrishmash?
For what is yonder star?"
"Er, Al, that's a blue flashing light,
an Australian Police car!"

He's taking deep breaths, he's blowing out hard
The light's turning red, a ban's on the cards...

Al and Ron are coming to town!
Al and Ron are coming to town!
Al and Ron are coming - to town!

Poor Alan's seeing double,
"Nay, offishers, it's fine!
Take a monkey for your troubles
And then drop me back at mine..."

They take fingerprints, they're checking I.Ds
a car arrives for, Talksport's deportees...

Al and Ron are leaving the town!
Didn't even get to the ground
Al and Ron are leaving, the town!

[davethealligator]

Goughie the Snowman

Struggling with that one - and White Christmas, may have to do them from scratch...

[The Ghost of Alex Higgins]

Dave can we get an Adrian Durham?

[Basualdo]

Oh this is fucking great!

[Reg]

Well done Dave.

[LaaLaa]

Awesome! If you're doing some of them from memory they probably get better every time, with the odd word tweaked here and there.
I was eating a sandwich, got to the Balfour Beatty line and almost choked!

[AlcoholBrazil]

Top work Dave-o . Excellent Wordsmithery.

[delboy1983]

Brillaint work

[scully]

Hahaha I love these .. Superb dave

[MGA99]

Silent Night

Silent Night, holy night
Poor old Dants, sleeping tight
Snoozing, snoring in slumbering bliss,
Unaware, Brazil's on the piss
Will 'Dants' get his night's re-est?
Bet you've already guessed!

Silent night, violent fright!
Mobile rings, flashing bright
"Ian, can you be on air by six?
Al's been found face down in a ditch
He's sleeping at Thames Valley Poli-ice
Sleeping at Thames Valley Police"

Sighs, "All right", finds the light
Hurried shower, hasty shite
Grabs some coffee and food to go
Stumbles down to the home studio
Goes on mic with a gru-unt
"Morning, Ronnie you cunt!"

That is absolute fucking genius