Ok, these are the ones I can remember straight off the top of my head, I may be able to recreate some of the others, lets see...
Good King Collymore
Good King Collymore lashed out
On the feast of Stephen
Took his filthy temper out
On some piece from Sweden
Brightly shone her bruise that night
Stan just phoned the florist
Then he buggered off to play
For Nottingham For-e-est
On his way he saw a car
in a lay-by rocking
Doors locked tight and windows steamed
What he did was shocking
While the couple lay inside
Gently copulating
Stan stood watching, knob in hand
Briskly masturba-a-ting
Talksport Related Christmas Carols
- davethealligator
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Talksport Related Christmas Carols
Not waving, but drowning...
- davethealligator
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Re: Talksport Related Christmas Carols
(To the tune of 'Away in a Manger')
A neigh is in danger
No food and no bed
Poor Mickeys best racehorse
Will shortly be dead
The stars in Newmarket
Look down where he lay
All riddled with maggots
No winners today...
A neigh is in danger
No food and no bed
Poor Mickeys best racehorse
Will shortly be dead
The stars in Newmarket
Look down where he lay
All riddled with maggots
No winners today...
Not waving, but drowning...
- davethealligator
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Re: Talksport Related Christmas Carols
Hark! The Herald Angels Sing
Hark! The Herald Angels Sing
Andy J is Twittering
Vile abuse and cuntish views
Every time that Chelsea Lose
Bitter rants and twisted theories
"Blame it on that twat Ramires
Never 18 millions worth
The worst player on this earth!"
Hark! The Herald Angels Sing
Mondays make great listening!
Hark! The Herald Angels Sing
Andy J is Twittering
Vile abuse and cuntish views
Every time that Chelsea Lose
Bitter rants and twisted theories
"Blame it on that twat Ramires
Never 18 millions worth
The worst player on this earth!"
Hark! The Herald Angels Sing
Mondays make great listening!
Not waving, but drowning...
- davethealligator
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Re: Talksport Related Christmas Carols
Winter Wonderland (A tribute to Talksport's coverage of England's failed World Cup bid)
Sleigh bells ring, are you listening?
Russian bling, brightly glistening
There's Roubles galore, for scruples ignored
Warner's in a winter wonderland
Should he keep, Beckham happy?
Honour his, dead Grandpappy?
Or piss on his grave, and snub Wills and Dave
Warner's in a winter wonderland
In the meadow, wait just by the snowman
There's a messenger en route from town
He'll bring a brown envelope from Roman
So England can go out in the first round
Go back to, the committee
Make them do, something shitty
So our hopes erode, and Saggers explodes
Warner's in a winter wonderland
How this twat from Trinidad and Tobago
Is FIFA Vice-Chair, I ain't got a clue
He pissed off the English, Dutch and Dagos
So now it's on to 2022...
Where the A-rabs bung Blatter
And the cup, goes to Qatar
And Porky's found dead, below Beachy Head
And Warner's in a winter wonderland
Warner's in a winter wonderland
Could it be there's something underhand?
Sleigh bells ring, are you listening?
Russian bling, brightly glistening
There's Roubles galore, for scruples ignored
Warner's in a winter wonderland
Should he keep, Beckham happy?
Honour his, dead Grandpappy?
Or piss on his grave, and snub Wills and Dave
Warner's in a winter wonderland
In the meadow, wait just by the snowman
There's a messenger en route from town
He'll bring a brown envelope from Roman
So England can go out in the first round
Go back to, the committee
Make them do, something shitty
So our hopes erode, and Saggers explodes
Warner's in a winter wonderland
How this twat from Trinidad and Tobago
Is FIFA Vice-Chair, I ain't got a clue
He pissed off the English, Dutch and Dagos
So now it's on to 2022...
Where the A-rabs bung Blatter
And the cup, goes to Qatar
And Porky's found dead, below Beachy Head
And Warner's in a winter wonderland
Warner's in a winter wonderland
Could it be there's something underhand?
Not waving, but drowning...
- Minisooms
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Re: Talksport Related Christmas Carols
Very good and you're in the Cotswolds like me
If you think this has a happy ending you haven't been paying attention
- davethealligator
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- Location: On a comfy chair somewhere in the Cotswolds, watching the cricket with Jack.
Re: Talksport Related Christmas Carols
The Little Drummer Boy
"Cunt", they told me, par-um-pum-pum-pum
On Talksport's breakfast show, par-um-pum-pum-pum
He claims to love the Mancs, par-um-pum-pum-pum
He's thick as two short planks, par-um-pum-pum-pum
Rum-pum-pum-pum, rum-pum-pum-pum
Don't, tune in to him, par-um-pum-pum-pum
He's too dumb!
Then, one morning, par-um-pum-pum-pum
I grew quite curious, par-um-pum-pum-pum
Turned on my radio, par-um-pum-pum-pum
Because I had to know, par-um-pum-pum-pum
Rum-pum-pum-pum, rum-pum-pum-pum
Was, he such a cunt? par-um-pum-pum-pum
And then some!
"Cunt", they told me, par-um-pum-pum-pum
On Talksport's breakfast show, par-um-pum-pum-pum
He claims to love the Mancs, par-um-pum-pum-pum
He's thick as two short planks, par-um-pum-pum-pum
Rum-pum-pum-pum, rum-pum-pum-pum
Don't, tune in to him, par-um-pum-pum-pum
He's too dumb!
Then, one morning, par-um-pum-pum-pum
I grew quite curious, par-um-pum-pum-pum
Turned on my radio, par-um-pum-pum-pum
Because I had to know, par-um-pum-pum-pum
Rum-pum-pum-pum, rum-pum-pum-pum
Was, he such a cunt? par-um-pum-pum-pum
And then some!
Not waving, but drowning...
- davethealligator
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- Location: On a comfy chair somewhere in the Cotswolds, watching the cricket with Jack.
Re: Talksport Related Christmas Carols
Silent Night
Silent Night, holy night
Poor old Dants, sleeping tight
Snoozing, snoring in slumbering bliss,
Unaware, Brazil's on the piss
Will 'Dants' get his night's re-est?
Bet you've already guessed!
Silent night, violent fright!
Mobile rings, flashing bright
"Ian, can you be on air by six?
Al's been found face down in a ditch
He's sleeping at Thames Valley Poli-ice
Sleeping at Thames Valley Police"
Sighs, "All right", finds the light
Hurried shower, hasty shite
Grabs some coffee and food to go
Stumbles down to the home studio
Goes on mic with a gru-unt
"Morning, Ronnie you cunt!"
Silent Night, holy night
Poor old Dants, sleeping tight
Snoozing, snoring in slumbering bliss,
Unaware, Brazil's on the piss
Will 'Dants' get his night's re-est?
Bet you've already guessed!
Silent night, violent fright!
Mobile rings, flashing bright
"Ian, can you be on air by six?
Al's been found face down in a ditch
He's sleeping at Thames Valley Poli-ice
Sleeping at Thames Valley Police"
Sighs, "All right", finds the light
Hurried shower, hasty shite
Grabs some coffee and food to go
Stumbles down to the home studio
Goes on mic with a gru-unt
"Morning, Ronnie you cunt!"
Not waving, but drowning...
- sjbarca
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Re: Talksport Related Christmas Carols
Hark them herald angels sing
In regards of me, Micky Quinn
Peace on earth and Marseyside
I seen them sinners reconciled
Joyful all them nations rise
Who ate all them lovely pies
Cabbage Potatoes all proclaim
They seen Christ's debyoot in Bethlehem
In regards of me, Micky Quinn
Peace on earth and Marseyside
I seen them sinners reconciled
Joyful all them nations rise
Who ate all them lovely pies
Cabbage Potatoes all proclaim
They seen Christ's debyoot in Bethlehem
"Berkshire delays on the M4 from junctions 14 to 16..I'm only little"
"There's no need for anyone to apologise for anything given the fact the great one shocked and offended is that cop killer porn tribute vid fetishist, Cecil B DNeil
"There's no need for anyone to apologise for anything given the fact the great one shocked and offended is that cop killer porn tribute vid fetishist, Cecil B DNeil
- davethealligator
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- Location: On a comfy chair somewhere in the Cotswolds, watching the cricket with Jack.
Re: Talksport Related Christmas Carols
To the tune of, 'Oh Come all Ye Faithful'
(In response to Jason Cundy dumping his wife Lizzy for an opera singer...)
Oh Cundy's unfaithful,
With some opera diva
Told Liz he'd leave her
Right out the blue...
That's why he stuck up
For JT when he fucked up
Oh come let us abhor him
Oh come let us abhor him
Oh come let us abhor him
Christ, what a tool!
See Lizzy Cundy
In the tabloids, Sunday
"Stepping out bravely for
her new single life"
Dress - Nina Ricci
Face by Balfour Beatty
Oh come let us abhor him
Oh come let us abhor him
Oh come let us abhor him
Christ, what a tool!
'Jase', at the High Court
"Judge says it's all my fault!"
A banning order
and a Decree Absolute
Now, he's got sod all
So much for role models...
Oh come let us abhor him
Oh come let us abhor him
Oh come let us abhor him
Christ, what a tool!
(In response to Jason Cundy dumping his wife Lizzy for an opera singer...)
Oh Cundy's unfaithful,
With some opera diva
Told Liz he'd leave her
Right out the blue...
That's why he stuck up
For JT when he fucked up
Oh come let us abhor him
Oh come let us abhor him
Oh come let us abhor him
Christ, what a tool!
See Lizzy Cundy
In the tabloids, Sunday
"Stepping out bravely for
her new single life"
Dress - Nina Ricci
Face by Balfour Beatty
Oh come let us abhor him
Oh come let us abhor him
Oh come let us abhor him
Christ, what a tool!
'Jase', at the High Court
"Judge says it's all my fault!"
A banning order
and a Decree Absolute
Now, he's got sod all
So much for role models...
Oh come let us abhor him
Oh come let us abhor him
Oh come let us abhor him
Christ, what a tool!
Not waving, but drowning...
- kevin04
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Re: Talksport Related Christmas Carols
Supoib work, Dave.
Did you not pen one about Mike Graham too?
Did you not pen one about Mike Graham too?
Bellend. Rupert Bell fanclub - MEMBER.
- davethealligator
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- Location: On a comfy chair somewhere in the Cotswolds, watching the cricket with Jack.
Re: Talksport Related Christmas Carols
(To the tune of 'Rudolph the Red nosed Reindeer)
Ronnie the red-nose reindeer
Had a very shiny nose
Tales of trips to Old Trafford
Stretched it like Pinocchio's
All of the other reindeer
Used to laugh and call him names
They knew that Ronnie never
Went to any Man. U games
Then one foggy Christmas Eve
Santa came to say,
"Next week, Man. U - Everton,
Can you get me tickets Ron?"
Then how he flapped and flustered
Forcing Santa to be blunt:
"Ronnie the red-nose reindeer,
you're a lying little cunt!"
Ronnie the red-nose reindeer
Had a very shiny nose
Tales of trips to Old Trafford
Stretched it like Pinocchio's
All of the other reindeer
Used to laugh and call him names
They knew that Ronnie never
Went to any Man. U games
Then one foggy Christmas Eve
Santa came to say,
"Next week, Man. U - Everton,
Can you get me tickets Ron?"
Then how he flapped and flustered
Forcing Santa to be blunt:
"Ronnie the red-nose reindeer,
you're a lying little cunt!"
Not waving, but drowning...
- davethealligator
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- Location: On a comfy chair somewhere in the Cotswolds, watching the cricket with Jack.
Re: Talksport Related Christmas Carols
Thanks! There was one that mentioned him, along with a couple of the other presenters, but I'm struggling to remember it...kevin04 wrote:Supoib work, Dave.
Did you not pen one about Mike Graham too?
It may come back to me...
Not waving, but drowning...
- kevin04
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- Location: Thall 's a-bhos.
Re: Talksport Related Christmas Carols
It might have been someone else. I think it was 'White Christmas'.davethealligator wrote:Thanks! There was one that mentioned him, along with a couple of the other presenters, but I'm struggling to remember it...kevin04 wrote:Supoib work, Dave.
Did you not pen one about Mike Graham too?
It may come back to me...
All the best, and if you have some free time - you can always write a few more for us.
Bellend. Rupert Bell fanclub - MEMBER.
- Bad Blue 2000
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Re: Talksport Related Christmas Carols
Goughie the Snowman
I HEAR YOU KNOCKIN', BUT YOU CAN'T COME IN...
- Holden Mcgroyne
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Re: Talksport Related Christmas Carols
'I say if the flats aren't good enough for you, why don't you f... off back to Somalia' .........Jon Gaunt
- davethealligator
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Re: Talksport Related Christmas Carols
To the tune of, 'Santa Claus is coming to Town'
(Marking Alan and Ronnie's trip to Perth, Western Australia for the third test in the 2010/11 Ashes)
Australian bars, are gonna run dry
House prices will drop, I'm telling you why...
Al and Ron are coming to town!
Al and Ron are coming to town!
Al and Ron are coming - to town!
They've got their Speedos, they've go their sunblock
Prepare yourself for, the cunt and the jock...
Al and Ron are coming to town!
Al and Ron are coming to town!
Al and Ron are coming - to town!
The cricket starts, Al's sleeping
It ends and he's awake
But it's not the hours he's keeping,
"It's a cold for goodness sake!"
He's just gonnae have, a couple wee drams
His blood alcohol? 80 milligrams
Al and Ron are coming to town!
Al and Ron are coming to town!
Al and Ron are coming - to town!
"Say, Ronnie, is it Chrishmash?
For what is yonder star?"
"Er, Al, that's a blue flashing light,
an Australian Police car!"
He's taking deep breaths, he's blowing out hard
The light's turning red, a ban's on the cards...
Al and Ron are coming to town!
Al and Ron are coming to town!
Al and Ron are coming - to town!
Poor Alan's seeing double,
"Nay, offishers, it's fine!
Take a monkey for your troubles
And then drop me back at mine..."
They take fingerprints, they're checking I.Ds
a car arrives for, Talksport's deportees...
Al and Ron are leaving the town!
Didn't even get to the ground
Al and Ron are leaving, the town!
(Marking Alan and Ronnie's trip to Perth, Western Australia for the third test in the 2010/11 Ashes)
Australian bars, are gonna run dry
House prices will drop, I'm telling you why...
Al and Ron are coming to town!
Al and Ron are coming to town!
Al and Ron are coming - to town!
They've got their Speedos, they've go their sunblock
Prepare yourself for, the cunt and the jock...
Al and Ron are coming to town!
Al and Ron are coming to town!
Al and Ron are coming - to town!
The cricket starts, Al's sleeping
It ends and he's awake
But it's not the hours he's keeping,
"It's a cold for goodness sake!"
He's just gonnae have, a couple wee drams
His blood alcohol? 80 milligrams
Al and Ron are coming to town!
Al and Ron are coming to town!
Al and Ron are coming - to town!
"Say, Ronnie, is it Chrishmash?
For what is yonder star?"
"Er, Al, that's a blue flashing light,
an Australian Police car!"
He's taking deep breaths, he's blowing out hard
The light's turning red, a ban's on the cards...
Al and Ron are coming to town!
Al and Ron are coming to town!
Al and Ron are coming - to town!
Poor Alan's seeing double,
"Nay, offishers, it's fine!
Take a monkey for your troubles
And then drop me back at mine..."
They take fingerprints, they're checking I.Ds
a car arrives for, Talksport's deportees...
Al and Ron are leaving the town!
Didn't even get to the ground
Al and Ron are leaving, the town!
Not waving, but drowning...
- davethealligator
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Re: Talksport Related Christmas Carols
Struggling with that one - and White Christmas, may have to do them from scratch...Bad Blue 2000 wrote:Goughie the Snowman
Not waving, but drowning...
- The Ghost of Alex Higgins
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Re: Talksport Related Christmas Carols
Dave can we get an Adrian Durham?
Speaking for the rest of the forum since 2019
- Basualdo
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Re: Talksport Related Christmas Carols
Oh this is fucking great!
Proud Gammon
RIP Neil Peart 1952-2020.
RIP Neil Peart 1952-2020.
- Reg
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Re: Talksport Related Christmas Carols
Well done Dave.
BE NICE TO EACH OTHER.
IF YOU CAN’T SAY SOMETHING KIND, SAY NOTHING AT ALL.
LET’S MAKE talkFORUM FUN AGAIN!
IF YOU CAN’T SAY SOMETHING KIND, SAY NOTHING AT ALL.
LET’S MAKE talkFORUM FUN AGAIN!
- LaaLaa
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- Contact:
Re: Talksport Related Christmas Carols
Awesome! If you're doing some of them from memory they probably get better every time, with the odd word tweaked here and there.
I was eating a sandwich, got to the Balfour Beatty line and almost choked!
I was eating a sandwich, got to the Balfour Beatty line and almost choked!
I really am a biatch
- AlcoholBrazil
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Re: Talksport Related Christmas Carols
Top work Dave-o . Excellent Wordsmithery.
Boris " Do not look at what I am doing, Look how cute and adorable Dilyn is.....Look at Dilyn ! "
- delboy1983
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Re: Talksport Related Christmas Carols
Brillaint work
We're just two lost souls
Swimming in a fish bowl
Year after year
Swimming in a fish bowl
Year after year
- scully
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- Location: Liverpool
Re: Talksport Related Christmas Carols
Hahaha I love these .. Superb dave
-
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Re: Talksport Related Christmas Carols
That is absolute fucking geniusdavethealligator wrote:Silent Night
Silent Night, holy night
Poor old Dants, sleeping tight
Snoozing, snoring in slumbering bliss,
Unaware, Brazil's on the piss
Will 'Dants' get his night's re-est?
Bet you've already guessed!
Silent night, violent fright!
Mobile rings, flashing bright
"Ian, can you be on air by six?
Al's been found face down in a ditch
He's sleeping at Thames Valley Poli-ice
Sleeping at Thames Valley Police"
Sighs, "All right", finds the light
Hurried shower, hasty shite
Grabs some coffee and food to go
Stumbles down to the home studio
Goes on mic with a gru-unt
"Morning, Ronnie you cunt!"